Rusty? Rusty! RUSTY!!!

And I've created a MONSTER. Ok, not really. It's our backyard. Our backyard has created a MONSTER. There's rabbits, there's Sassi next door, tomatoes, squirrels, plants to pee on, smells, the list goes on and on.

Each morning I let him out. 7:00 am on the dot. Ok, maybe 7:05 some days. Whatever.

He obediently runs right back in because he knows he's getting fed. (You ask him if he's hungry and he runs to the kitchen, what a smart dog).

But the next time I let him out, he won't come back. I can stand there yelling his name. Curse words. Tell him a story. Say treat.

NOTHING.

He just looks at me like I'm an idiot.

Same thing happens in the afternoon. I wave my arms. Jump up and down.

And he just gives me this blank stare like, "Mom, I may be a dog but I'm not stupid." And then he goes back to looking/sniffing/whatever.

I can have a fishy treat. He comes half the time. He definitely does not come if he can't see it. GAH.

So this morning Bimmer Man is sick in bed and I'm leaving for work. Let Rusty out. Open the door to call him back inside and I know that I'm screwed. I got a new pair of shoes.

I take two steps out the door and whoosh! My left foot has slipped and I feel myself sliding.

"FUCK!"

Rusty. Oh, Rusty. He just stands on his snowbank with his tail wagging staring at me. Asshole.

I get down the porch steps and take another step. No traction.

I'm practically doing the splits trying to get to my dog to drag him inside by the collar.

I looked to the left and then to the right trying to see if I could see any neighbors outside and then I prayed that the neighbors didn't hear me. "FUCK YOU TOO, RUSTY!" I said as I slipped and slid my way back inside to change my shoes.

After putting on my boots I went to the backdoor to stomp around the yard and drag him inside.

There he was standing at the backdoor.

Like an asshole.